i will walk, i will invest heavily in my professional appearance,  i will start speedskating.  I will buy a season pass to vail for next year.  i will find a job.  i will join the local rugby or derby club.  i will find a place to live and be happy.

Life update: 

1.  My partner of nearly three years left me recently.  For like the 10th time.   This time I was in India...Alone and injured (more on that in a second). 

2.  Due to this breakup, I moved back to Boulder, Co.  My hometown which I love more than life itself.

3.  I am currently awaiting surgery for a broken fifth metatarsel and for torn ligaments in my ankle.  This happens wednesday.

4.  In two months, after just 40 pages of a thesis left, I will be a Master in Private Sector Development Economics

Saddle the Bridge.  Anyone have it?  Bueller?  Jessica Nappa Siegel?  :-)

I fall in love I am going to be much much much more careful with my heart.  And in choosing who I give my heart to. 

*nods* 

So when I was at Smith I took care of a little boy named Tay.  His lesbian moms and I became fast friends, and they essentially adopted me into the family.  I called them my moms and they call me their daughter.  Tay also calls me his sister.

As such they recently decided to adopt a little girl named Lan from Vietnam.  I was one of the first to find out, as I found a picture of her on the dresser.  I have never been so overjoyed to know that I would have a baby sister.  Unfortunately the process of waiting has been much longer than it should be, but the good news is that she is coming home now!!!!  We have waited longer than 9 months beyond when we should have brought her home (January). 

I just got the email this morning that baby Lan is with the family and headed back to the states within a few days.  This means that when I visit my family in two weeks, baby Lan will be there.

I'm over joyed. 

Things in my life are going surprisingly well.  Which I guess is a good thing, since things sucked for so long.  but really, my life is kind of like a fairytale at the moment.

1.  I went to look at a beautiful studio last week, and it was affordable for the city.  Less than what I am currently paying for a room in an apartment.  The place has been completely renovated and refurbished (freshly glazed tub, newly varnished floor, all new appliances, etc).  So I applied and figured i wouldn't get accepted considering I am a grad student and their demand for "verifiable income" was much higher than what I made.  But thanks to my awesome credit and a few pay stubs here and there and a copy of my award letter I GOT IT!!!!  I HAS A HOME NOW!!!!!  So starting on August 15th or so I will live alone.  Blissfully and completely alone in a beautiful sundrenched studio in Brooklyn.  This bitch is happy bout that.

2.  I went out of town this weekend to go climbing.    I went to the Gunks, which is the best trad rock climbing that exists in the entire world.  No seriously.  Its amazing.  For any rock climbers, this place is a gear placing dream!!!!  And although I didn't do a climb as bad ass as this guy, the view was equally beautiful.  I'm going back in three weeks for my birthday.  And I am going back again every other week until the season ends.  I like the town enough that I am seriously considering moving there post graduation from graduate school.  I figure with pilates teaching (certification will be complete by June) and other piece meal work, I can keep myself afloat for a year or two while I apply for PhD programs. 

3.  I love my dog.  I love my friends.  I love my family.  And I am incredibly blessed.  I miss a lot of you, just so you know.

Yesterday I set to have a good day.  I went shopping, in search of a cute sundress, and came back empty.  But I was successful in purchasing overpriced body products from Sabon, so it wasn't a total loss.  I then went to collect the money I had made by participating in a psych study at Columbia.  While in the study I get an email from Kellie stating that "as much as she loves me, she needs to be alone".  Crestfallen, I proceeded to walk from 116th and Broadway, all the way to 42nd street (thats a long way for you non-new yorkers).  I cried a lot on the walk, tried to process it all.  And instead went and saw the new X-Files movie.  Sadly, it was horrendous.  I won't say much else other than that I want my 12 bucks from teh ticket back, my two hours of watching, and my entire 10 years of love for x-files returned to me.  I even want all the cash I spent on x-files paraphenailia refunded to me. 

After the movie, i went to see Kellie to close the book and write the conclusion.  I picked up my stuff and tried to whittle it down to something digestable.  All I can say, my only take away is she is one confused and scared puppy.  She doesn't believe love lasts, and she doesn't trust it when she has it.  She claims she has no idea who she is at her core (which isn't true, she is like the most steadfast person ever in regards to acheiving her goals, etc).  So she wants to be alone to figure it out. 

So fellow colleagues in the "love is fucked" generation, I have a proposal to make you.  Lets stop being so idiotic, as a culture.  How's about we do something novel and EMBRACE happiness and love.  Why is it that being depressed, sad and lonely is so much cooler than being happy and excited about life?  Why is it that there is all this talk about "i need to find out who I really am" bullshit?  I had a long talk with my father and he just laughed.  He doesn't understand what our generations obsession with finding ourselves is.  As he so aptly stated "Then never date anyone again, because you will never find yourself.  Hell, I am in my fifties and I am still finding myself!"  And maybe my happy go lucky little world of idealism, where my parents are still married, and did so early (23) has me confused with the reality.  But honestly kids, I just want to "get married", have one or two children, and own a small cottage somewhere in the woods close-ish to a city where I have a garden and can smell the earth everyday.

So fuck it.  Discussions with Kellie have closed.  I'm back to square one.  But I look fantastic (I have lost some weight thanks to my pilates/biking routine), I have a fresh manicure, my friend Ann and I are planning a vacation somewhere exciting, and I can pretty much do anything I want with my life.

Boo yah.

Find the Zombie Love of your life!  Zombieharmony

1.  I have no place to live as of September 1st.  I gave notice to my apartment because I was expecting to get into LSE.  Suffice to say, I didn't get in.  I shouldn't have given notice.  That was stupid beyond belief.  But now they have filled the room already, with a friend of theirs, and I am homeless as of September 1st.  I am sure I can find a place and all, but I just just just settled into the place.  And I really really really don't want to move.

2.  Kellie and I are talking again.  We are kind of in limbo.  Discussing options for the future etc.  I will update more as time progresses.

3.  I am really stressed because I have a midterm tomorrow which is absolutely not prepared for.